Aside – Richard Schulz

A view from the back seat.

I haven’t had the energy to write for a while.

There has been a slow decline in my “urge” to write. I don’t want to completely stop writing. I do get a measure of satisfaction from it. The scratching and scribbling in notebooks and on blank pieces of paper. Those still happen but as I return to these moments in history I find less and less things of interest.

I don’t know whether it is a type of burnout. Perhaps. I’ve been writing on Substack for more than two years. Then eight months ago I get a website. I’ve had it for a while but didn’t do much with it.

Looking back it’s been a rough year for me when it comes to my mental state. Lost my mother. Lost one of my best friends. Been in a job for a year which I have to do (money and all that). All these things feel as if they are tying my down. They aren’t all I focus on but when it gets quiet and my mind has a second to recover or stand still they are the main antagonists in my story.

A light blue house. In the foreground a sign indicating the two names of the streets. — The pale blue house.

I guess I’m stuck.

Writers’ block. Photographers’ block. How ever I want to phrase it I am at the juncture. The one where I know what I have to do (write and take photos) but I’m not motivated enough to do it. I’m thinking “why?” quite a lot when it comes to my photography and writing these days. Not because I want to stop doing it because it does give me some fulfillment. But does it provide enough? And once I get “enough” will that be enough?

Writing for an audience probably does this. Suddenly you don’t know what the audience wants. You’re uncertain if your writing is still valid or relevant. Like when your photos don’t hit the spots on social media.

I think I’m just uncertain at this point in time. About many things. I’ve put to rest the idea of living of my writing & photography. I haven’t ever considered this is idea to be plausible but at very least I thought “~~I might sell a photo or two~~“. For writing: the bar for entry is pretty much gone but making money from it, a lot more difficult than some hustle bro would like you to believe.

Two traffic signs in the foreground. In the background an orange building. — Turn ahead.

Am I a little bit jealous of those making money from their hobbies? Fuck, it’s difficult to say. The people I follow seem to be doing alright – I might be a little bit jealous. Mostly of the ability to do more of the things which I enjoy while I feel stuck in first gear. It’s almost like Facebook all over again. The highlight reels which turned so many sad people into really depressed people.

To Let. A blurry image of a sign in a shop window. — To Let.

tl;dr

Writing & photography is taking a bit of a back seat in my life at the moment. I’m still here, I’m still on Substack. I’m still taking photos but just not for public consumption. Hopefully I’ll be back to my old self in no time.

Thanks for reading : )

Being frustrated with the status quo.

A close up photo of a cup of coffee. — Afternoon coffee.

I recently moved my desk into a different room and as I type this the winter sun is right on my face. It’s a nice distraction and it helps to warm up the chilly afternoon. Sundays are mostly spent on distraction. YouTube videos, reading Substacks and browsing the internet.

This calms me down and gets me ready for the week ahead.

During the past few weeks the thoughts of taking my photography professional [or at least semi professional] has been on my mind a lot. I’d like to get into food photography. Today as I sat with a steaming bowl of instant noodles and a cup of coffee the urge to take photos of my food made me reconsider. You know the feeling when you get swept up in something? Rush to find a tripod, switching from the kit lens to a 50 mm with an extension tube. The sun light just perfect. No need for the external flash.

It’s the feeling we get when doing something we enjoy. So much we become distracted from everything else around us. For a few minutes or hour or however long we aren’t focused on the present. The problems. The difficulty.

I’m not under any illusions around this. Finding clients, taking photos under different circumstances and for money isn’t a ‘fun’ thing. It wouldn’t be how I normally take photos.

My biggest reason for doing this would be to effect some change in my life. At the moment things are fairly static. I have a routine set up which is strangling my creative side. Not enough creative outlet. Hence the urge to do something creative with my photography. Is this the only creative thing I could do? No. But it is also in part the idea of looking for a challenge. Can I do this? Is it possible for me to go out, find a client, take photos for them.

I’m looking for growth in my photography. Not the static, stagnant photos I capture on my way to work. I’m curious to see how my skills will match up in a ‘real world’ situation.

We’ve all found ourselves at a point like this. The urge to do something different. Being frustrated with the status quo in our lives.

I leave you with two more photos: the first one is a close up of the bowl of noodles which re-awakened this existential crisis and the second is another of the apartment complex which I photograph as part of an ongoing photo project.

A close up photo of a bowl of instant noodles. — Noodles.

A set of apartments in an apartment complex. A light trail runs in front of the buildings. — A motorcycle going by.

Thanks for reading and enjoy your Sunday : )

The importance of perseverance.

A photo of a street lamp in the foreground. In the distance a hazy horizon just before sunrise. The dark sky on top and the pink red and orange of the sun in the bottom third of the image. — Early mornings. Kodak M531 & Snapseed edit.

Another Saturday evening.

At the end of the work week I finally find time to write a little bit. I have not been as focused on writing as I’d like to be. Most of my evenings are spent watching a little bit of YouTube and then going to sleep.

Finding time for a hobby is often one of the more difficult parts of it. You might have more time than myself. Or less. Squeezing in a few paragraphs here and there might be all you have time for. Scribbling down new names for the character with a bio in short hand just so you don’t forget it.

Regardless of how much you do – it’s important to do something. To keep the momentum going. Today one paragraph. Tomorrow two. Or two pages. Put down a few ideas on what you’d like to write about in your next newsletter.

All the small sessions tend to add up. You find an idea in something you wrote earlier during the day. As you look back you discover a gem hidden away in your Keep notes. Or a post-it note stuck on the corner of your computer screen with a cryptic phrase on it.

These tend to keep us going. The bursts of excitement during a long idea drought. It nourishes our attempts. It says “stick with it. keep doing what you’re doing”. Perhaps it is for your latest novel. Or a newsletter. It might be nothing more than a hobby. An attempt to create a career as a writer / photographer / painter.

On consumption

I’ve slowly stopped reading Substack on my computer. Mostly because while the tab is open my mind tends to wander – first YouTube and then Pinterest. Then a myriad of other things which randomly jumps into my mind. I open Substack on my computer only when I write something [comment / note / newsletter].

I’ve cut down on my YouTube watching. The amount of “X things to do to make your Y better” videos I watched was too much. Honestly I didn’t learn as much from the as the creator hoped. All I managed to do was fall into comparison traps.

Reading is one thing I try to do but I curate a whole lot more. What value does this newsletter add? Can I gain some knowledge which I didn’t have before? A different insight into a problem I might be experiencing.

With that said, I think we should [on occasion] read / watch something which has nothing to do with our particular craft. It’s a reset for us. Like putting your camera down and not taking photos for a week. Or not writing. Blasphemy I know but sometimes the lack of something makes you see it with a renewed vigor when returning to it.

Thanks for reading : )

Distractions.

It’s easy to get distracted.

In this world where we have access to tons of information and stimulation how can we not get distracted? YouTube, Instagram. You don’t even need to jump into social media to get distracted. Browse Wikipedia and you’ll see what I mean.

There is nothing wrong with distractions if you take them in small doses. Working for a few hours and then getting distracted for a few minutes. A distraction can help you to reset. The few moments away from the screen or the code / the project / the paperwork.

Like everything in life, distraction without balance is not a good thing. If you’re consistently distracted at work you don’t do the job required from you. If you’re consistently distracted while writing the work tends to suffer. Same for photos.

Battling distractions are difficult.

If we’re not invested in something it is easier to become distracted. Don’t feel like going out – watch Netflix. Don’t feel like writing? Do some ‘research’ and end up scrolling endlessly. Look for something on YouTube on how to beat distraction.

Battling distraction is difficult because it is uncomfortable. It becomes a comfortable zone where we come home after work and instead of reading or doing something constructive we open YouTube, IG or whatever gets your dopamine flowing.

Do this for a few weeks in a row and you have a full blown addiction. It becomes your routine. A new routine dedicated to keep you from doing something you enjoy.

The key part of distraction is to keep a handle on it. Find something which isn’t a distraction which will take your attention away from the important things. If you’re a writer, get distracted by other people’s writing. Subscribe to a newsletter and spend some time on reading the thoughts of people.

I’m not advocating you fill your time with only photography. Or writing.

Sometimes a distraction needs to be nothing. No noise. No music. You and some peace and quiet. Away from the millions of bits of information out there trying to sell you something. Trying to push you to feed an algorithm. Trying to get yourself filled up with dopamine only to crash down a few hours later.

tl;dr

Sometimes, we need distraction.

Long day at work. Tough week at school. Things not going your way. Whatever the reason may be. Perhaps your craft has gotten the best of you. Writer’s block. Photographer’s block.

Here distractions can be good. A few minutes stepping away from the keyboard or the pen & paper. Setting down the camera for a day or two. Let the images on your memory card (or film) rest. Let them breathe.

Then start again with renewed vigor.

Thanks for reading : )

To monetize or not to monetize.

Instant noodles, curry flavor, topped with chili flakes. — Instant noodles and chili flakes.

Professional.

engaged in a specified activity as one’s main paid occupation rather than as a pastime.

Professional photographer.

Over the past month, I’ve been considering the idea of moving from hobby photographer to professional photographer. Initially I’d only do this on a Sunday. You know, do it on the side. Part time. My train of thoughts were mostly along the lines of: Keep doing it until it can pay my rent. Then quit my day job and pursue it full time.

As I thought about this more and more I started wondering – is this a wise decision? Once I start doing this it will become a job. Suddenly the pressure to take photos isn’t only me telling myself to do it – now I have a paying client. Or two. I’m on the clock, have to finish this before this time tomorrow or don’t get paid.

Gone are the carefree times when I went out with my camera because I wanted to. Not because I have to. Gone are the walking slowly into to town and capturing misty mornings. Suddenly your hobby, which you enjoyed, is a job you hate. Or at very least dislike.

Vegetable soup with cauliflower, baby marrows, pumpkin and instant noodles. — Something for the winter evenings.

I think this is where it gets tricky.

If you’re eager to escape the rat race, or just move into a different direction, life as a professional photographer might not be as fun as you think. Once you accept money, it’s not friendly anymore. You create expectations. You tell people “I am good enough at this”. You sell yourself. You sell your work. Perhaps you start to corrupt the thing you enjoyed in the beginning.

This happened to me once before.

In another life I worked in IT. Hardware. Fixed printers, did a little bit of network related stuff, set up emails. Basic stuff. I wasn’t really happy with this. It was mundane. It was repetitive. Some months I had to wait for my salary.

Go into software development. It will be fun they said.

At first I was really excited. I would often think about how a teacher in school failed to teach me about programming yet I taught myself how to program within a few months. At first I did it as a hobby. Then I thought why not find some clients? Easy money. This turned into a full time job for a few years.

Today, even after being gently nudged by friends, I don’t want to see a line of code. I don’t hate it but it doesn’t give me the same amount of joy as it did when I only messed around with it.

It’s not the same anymore.

Chuck, potatoes, carrots and tomatoes on a bed of rice, — Dinner.

I think it will be exactly the same if I started taking money for photography. It will be great for a few months. Then the suck will start. Being told by people who have no idea about my craft how to do it. But I can’t tell them to get buggered because then I might not get more work. And if I don’t get more work I start to worry.

I’d end up in the same position I find myself in now. Not enjoying what I’m doing. With one major difference – now I destroyed the thing which helped me escape these bad times. What will the next stop be?

I recently read two newsletters which capture my thoughts much better. If you’re in two minds about whether you should / should not monetize your hobby give these a read. At very least you’ll walk away with a different perspective.

The first one is by Ali ‘O Keefe and you can find it here. If you’re not familiar with the concept of shit sandwich you will be after this. The next piece is by Razlyn Lysaught and you’ll find it here.

tl;dr

Doing a job which doesn’t fit into the idea of normal seems like a fun thing. You take lots of photos. Shoot with models. Travel to cool places. But it’s not always sunshine and rainbows. Sometimes it will suck. Sometimes you’ll have to eat some shit. Perhaps the same type you’d hope to escape when you embarked on this new journey.

If you’re on this journey I hope you don’t start hating your hobby. I’m still on the fence about taking money for photography. After reading two pieces above my thinking is different. Full time photography isn’t something I’d enjoy. I need to do something different. I get distracted easily. I want the photos I take to reflect something other than “I hate this gig”. I might do it for free, perhaps take a coffee as payment. But I want photography to be part of my journey. Just not as a full time paid up photographer.

Thanks for reading : )

Reset.

This particular draft has been lying in wait for at least four months.

Last edited 4 months ago.

In a way this is a taunt. The backend of a blogging platform mocking me. Showing me how much, or how little, a piece of writing can matter. Showing me how quickly time can go by and we can still hammer on one thing we want to do “one day”.

A key component to the things we do, particularly our hobbies, is time. Without time you can’t to anything. If you’re constantly working then you’re out of luck. Somewhere in the mad dash from 9-5, dealing with life, etc-etc you need to squeeze off some time if you are looking to pursue a hobby.

For the moment, forget about why you want to pursue this hobby. Each person has their own why and the purpose of this isn’t to find your why.

Over the past month I have been in a state of discontent. I won’t lie here – I am just not happy with how my life is proceeding at the moment. I have some of the basics down – job, income. But that’s it. I have nothing challenging me. The job I work is routine. Mundane. And it also occupies large chunks of me time. Too much for me.

For me, or for any creative, the problem is the discontent I feel has spilled into my photography & writing. Photography & writing, or your chosen art / hobby isn’t a standalone component of life. It is part of your life.

So when unhappiness, sadness, boredom, lack of interest drifts into you life it often seeps in. In my case it has seeped into my photos. It is there when I want to go out and take photos. I think “I’m not really in mood this morning” although I haven’t been out with my camera for a proper photography outing in months.

I think “What is the point of this?” when I know what the point is. It isn’t about the accolades, subs, likes, shares, restacks. No. I’ve moved past it, mostly. It doesn’t bother me if no one likes me writing. It doesn’t bother me if no-one likes my photos. If all my work fades into obscurity and you never hear from me again it’s fine.

But it bothers me when I don’t enjoy photography. It bothers me when I cannot find something worthwhile to write about. Writing and photography two of the few things in my life which keeps me going. If I let go of them I give in to the grind. If I snuff out the flames for these two passions, what do I have left?

This morning I sat down, after thinking about this for days on end. This way or that way. What to do. Where to turn.

I need a reset. Start from zero.

A different approach to my life. Because the mindset I have now isn’t good. It’s negative. It is depressing. I look at all the negative shit before I think about all the upsides. This is not a manifesto. It is not a call to arms. Nothing like that.

It’s a man struggling with life. And choices. It’s a person finding themselves in a difficult situation. Uncertainty about the future. Not sure about what will happen in the next month or two or six. We all have these from time to time. No one lives a life without some form of turbulence.

Here’s where the reset aspect is coming in. Take a step away from the rush of my photography and writing. Create a routine which allows me to manage things better.

Focus on my mental health. Crucial. I’ve been depressed for a large part of my adult life and the feeling isn’t anything new. Yet as I grow older I understand how dangerous a depressed mind can be. Soon you find yourself caring about nothing – what then?

Physical health. The last time I visited a gym was in 2024. After I lost my job in January ’24 I cancelled my contract. I loved the gym. The improvement, the people I met, the escape it offered was a huge part of my life. For the first two months after no gym I felt lost. I have some dumbbells at home and I could probably do bodyweight exercises but I don’t always feel like doing it.

tl;dr

It isn’t easy to turn a hobby into a financially viable thing. And if you managed to do it, how long before it becomes just another job to do?

Not everyone who throws their hat into the ring succeeds.

Perhaps the idea of working as a photographer / writer is a bit far fetched. It’s definitely not for everyone. Life doesn’t always work out how we’d like it to. If you’re fortunate enough to be able to do this – congratulations. If you haven’t been able to do this, or perhaps you feel this isn’t the path for you it’s okay.

Do photography as a hobby. Write for yourself. Find something else which holds your interest. Find something which truly makes you feel alive. Take photos on the weekend and enjoy writing whenever you find time.

Thanks for reading : )

A few photos from my morning walk.

Sunday morning.

A walk into town always leaves me feeling ready for the week ahead. It is probably the solitude which makes me enjoy this so much. Recharges my batteries drained by many face-to-face interactions. The birds chirping and cold air letting me know winter isn’t over by a long shot.

Early mornings also allow me to capture some beautiful silhouettes of objects in the neighborhood. A street lamp standing around idly. The palm tree just behind it. I am not 100% sure whether it’s a palm tree.

Street lamp silhouette against the sky. — Street lamp.

On a Sunday morning, this early, you’re hard pressed to find anyone on the street. And when you do find someone you know there is a purpose. To go to work. To head into town. On a Sunday you don’t want to be on the road unless you have to be somewhere. A busy week deserves a quiet ending.

A water tower.

Quiet observer as I walk past. It doesn’t ask any questions as I shoot it from the hip. The small camera struggling to focus but eventually gets there. It really needs the light. I also discovered thick gloves are great for keeping your fingers warm but not so great when operating a camera with tiny buttons.

The apartment complex I pass on my way home. Early morning sun cascading into the windows. It’s still quiet outside and I suspect many residents are still asleep. The church opposite the complex getting ready for the morning’s proceedings.

The last stop before I head to a coffee shop to end my weekly routine. This morning I didn’t find any coffee. Only gospel music played as loudly as possible. While I sat in the sun I thought about the road ahead for my Substack, about the week ahead at work and about my ideas of doing food photography.

I hope you’re having [ or had ] a relaxing Sunday. I’ve moved my computer into a smaller room which I hope will help me with creativity. Let’s called it an office for a lack of a better word.

Thanks for reading : )

Starting something.

A photo of a lit sign for a business. — City in lights.

It’s been a cold few days here.

The chilblains on most of my fingers tend to suffer on these days. Last winter I had them for the first time in more than two decades. This is probably the downside of early mornings in the winter. A freezing wind tearing at your clothing hoping to find a way in.

The photo might look familiar. It’s a spot where I wait to get a few snacks to eat before work starts. In the distance [to the left] you can see a church steeple. One ironic thing about this town is the amount of churches you can find here. This neighborhood where the photo is taken has 3 within a 1km (1.6mile) radius. I’m not sure whether this is due to the factions within religion or just a case of catering for communities.

As I write this previous realizations are confirmed – I write much better when looking photos I took. The one below is in the street where I live. Just above the horizon you can see the light crescent of the moon. It might be a coincidence but on the colder mornings the moon is right up there – almost mocking me as I head to work.

A car passed and the red tail lights disappeared down the street where the cold darkness swallowed them. This type of silence and peace is something I truly enjoy in the mornings.

A dark early morning with a streetlamp illuminating the scene. — A light in the dark.

On my way into town this morning a light fog was hanging over a stream. It lies in a hollow and as the fog rises it covers the houses in a creepy blanket until the sun pops out from behind the horizon.

A light fog hanging over a stream. Houses on the horizon covered within the fog. — Slight fog.

Starting a photography business.

I’ve been thinking about doing food photography as a means of supplementing my income. Anyone who has been doing this knows how quickly something you enjoy doing can become a job.

This isn’t the first time my thoughts have drifted in this direction. Since I started doing photography it has been at the back of my mind. At the very least something I revisited at least once a month. Even if it is just briefly.

Initially I had the idea of taking photos and quitting my day job. The modern rat race is something I would love to escape [ wouldn’t we all? ]. Yet even the most focused entrepreneur will tell you this isn’t as easy. Starting a business, even a small business, takes a lot more than just saying “Let’s take photos for money”.

The process of getting clients and everything involved with it isn’t easy. You need to do the work – take photos, pitch to potential clients, edit, get your website / storefront updated, etc etc. It doesn’t end.

It is really easy for this to become another day job. Something you dread or dislike.

Thinking about this possibility – for a passion to turn into a job – it might help to think about this: at the very least, even though it might be more work than something 9-5, it might not be as safe, stable or traditional – at least you’re doing something you’re passionate about.

But passion can’t pay the bills right off the bat. In some cases it never does. This shouldn’t stop one from trying. If you start with nothing, what have you got to lose in this situation? You may have to work the day job a bit longer before you can go out on your own. Or you do the day job and sell photos / do photography.

I’m mostly writing this to motivate myself.

To keep going when the results I want isn’t there. To keep going even if you’re not getting sales. This always sucks. But few people are successful the very first time.

TL;DR – keep going. Do what you enjoy when it comes to your photography. Whether it’s for fun, a hobby or for money.

Our escape is our prison.

All true artists, whether they know it or not, create from a place of no-mind, from inner stillness.

I’ve been thinking quite a bit about photography lately.

Mostly because I haven’t really been doing anything significant with regards to it. The odd phone photo here and there. A quick and dirty photo in the morning – usually just before I get to work. My ‘Apartments’ project has halted at the moment. I think the last time I went out and took some photos were last month.

Then I look around me. Photographers killing it in my mind. I see photographers developing rolls of photos. I see photographers posting their work. I feel jealous. I start feeling angry at myself. Why am I not going out, taking photos? When I do go out with my camera I capture but I don’t feel excited about the photos.

A brick building behind a fence. — It’s not the content I’m seeking but the distraction.

I’ve felt like this before and I’ll probably feel like this again. It seems to be a natural cyclic thing. A wave pattern for creatives. Up. Down. Down. Up. Rinse and repeat.

Despite this being the N-^th time of me being caught in this I don’t really know how to get out of the funk. More photos seem to compound the problem. Staying online is a big contribution to the problem.

A blurry photograph of a sign and a car. — A blurry photograph.

Of late I’ve been drowning myself in YouTube shorts. I tend to find myself scrolling them for much too long. It’s not the content I’m seeking but the distraction. I remember this feeling when I started out on Instagram. Same thing with X / Twitter.

Perhaps the problem lies with my consumption. Too much Substack. Too much YouTube. Not enough IRL. Perhaps my problem is with my perceptions around a platform.

I like Substack, it’s a great platform. But…for someone not in a good mind space seeing success [while not having any] can be difficult. I don’t hate on those who are achieving their goals or successes. Hard work needs to be rewarded. Constantly being subject to the success of others tend to make you bitter.

Outcome?

A simple way to stop this kind of consumption is to not go online. Avoid the pitfalls completely. A sabbatical. A hiatus. This points to how easy it is to become misaligned in the age of the internet. We only see a few things and based on this we paint a new picture for ourselves.

Based on this new information we put ourselves down. Paint ourselves into a corner. And if our escape (the internet) becomes our prison, where do we turn?

Thanks for reading : )

A man and his scooter.

It was in my usual spot this morning when a young man, actually two, passed on a scooter. I greet them each morning as they pass by, then stop at the corner shop, buy cigarettes [probably] and then head to work.

This morning was a bit different. I’m not sure what was wrong with the scooter but they had to keep it revving to avoid stalling. It was slightly funny but more annoying as the sound of the revving engine just kept going up and up.

As they left I still heard the high revving even as they were out of sight.

A photo of a person on a scooter. — Scooter.

I snapped this with my phone as he waited for his passenger. If you look closely you’ll see another motorcycle passing in front of them. I took the photo hoping to catch both of them in full view but slow auto focus. It turned out alright in the end.

If you’re new here thanks for taking time to read my writing. If you’re looking for a bit more then head over to my Substack and see some other photography related content. There is also a link at the top of the page where you can see the options available to support my work here & on Substack.

Thanks for reading : )